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Do not look at the solitary acts of mankind and those of independent dictators and loose faith in our species. Look at the engineering marvels, the cooperative philanthropy, and all the human collaborative intellectual efforts in order to restore faith in mankind.

Stockton. Hell on Earth.

Here is a visual representation of the crime in Stockton over a 5 day period. Good times! For a more detailed report, check this out.

If you have no other option but to drive I5 through Stockton, here is what you need before you go: 1. A complete vehicle inspection. Have your vehicle checked over by a mechanic with autism and OCD. If he as much recommends changing your wiper blades, do it. 2. Life insurance. Should the unthinkable happen and you find yourself broken down in Stockton, you will most likely die. Leave something behind for those you love. 3. Hat's and T-shirts with every gang color imaginable. If by some very poorly made plans, you need gas in Stockton, when you first pull off the highway, assess your situation. What is the most prominent color? Who seems to be the alpha males? Are there any corpses nearby? If so, what color are they wearing? Dress appropriately and proceed to pump gas. Use a credit card, never expose any actual currency while inside the borders of Stockton. 4. Backup. Never drive through Stockton alone. Always make sure you have a spotter. If you can afford it, hire a private security firm. Take 3 SUV's with you and rotate their locations in line every 5 minutes 5. Firearms. This might go without saying, but if you are in Stockton for any reason, you WILL be forced to defend yourself. I recommend a sawed off 12 gauge shotgun loaded with at least quad-druple aught magnum buckshot. 6. A bible. When you are inevitably gunned down in Stockton, the police most likely won't respond. People getting shot in Stockton is like jaywalking in most cities. Always have some religious material on you at all times. You will soon be meeting your maker. 7. Military grade flak vest. Pull off at any rest area about 20 minutes either side of Stockton to put on your gear. I recommend a Kevlar helmet as well. If traveling at night, night vision is preferable.

The next cool

I'm sick of the word cool. It's time I invented the next cool. We all know that once our parents start using words in their proper context, it's time to move on. The first time I hear my parents use the word cool, I cringed and the word was forever marred. Throughout history, the young have used words that were outside the comprehension of the elderly to describe things they like. Words like Groovy, Hip, Fresh, Rad, Happenin, Solid, Etc...These words have all run their course and been laid to rest in the graveyard of words our parents have made completely irrelevant. Cool has been playing out way past its shelf life. Cool seems unwilling to die. Parents all over the nation are molesting this word, beating it mercilessly in the groin, stabbing it repeatedly in the face....and yet....it continues to limp along. I give cool some respect for hanging in there, but someone must be willing to deal cool the final death blow. I am willing to accept that challenging. I will step up to cool, place my sawed off 12 gauge up to its temple, and blast it's outdated brains all over the metaphorical wall. Let me also say that cool makes zero sense in the context it's used. In fact, that's that basis for the genius word I have come up with. Think about a word that literally makes no sense in describing a favorable situation. This guarantees that parents and the elderly will be so confused, unwilling, and unsure of how to use this word that it will last for at least a decade. Once old people hear this new word enough times, once they finally feel comfortable enough to throw it out there, dip their toes in the water, and awkwardly use this descriptor in its proper context, it's time to move on. Sooo....on to the genius that will flow from what will undoubtedly be validated as one of the world’s greatest minds....what will young people use to describe favorable scenarios for the next decade? The next cool will be: loud.....think about it....