Why you should be scared of flying

If you aren't afraid of flying, you're a moron. Let me tell you a story (one you might already know). Alaska airlines flight 261. This was another one of your so called "safer than riding in a car flights" from Mexico to San Francisco. You can read the entire story on Wikipedia, but basically it reads like the most terrifying thing that could ever happen to anyone, ever. I get sick to my stomach just reading what those poor souls went through. 88 people lost their lives that day. Do you know what caused this horrific tragedy? One bolt. Yep. One fucking bolt. Basically when the bolt broke, the pilot lost the ability to maintain altitude and the plane took a terminal nose dive. Think about that next time you're taking one of your cabin altering dumps in the airplane bathroom (FYI: When you slither out and scurry back to your seat with that much shame on your face, we know it was you). There is absolutely ZERO margin for error. You are one screw, strap, bolt, or rivet away from the most terrifying experience you could ever imagine. I for one don't mind babies crying on airplanes. At least they are displaying the appropriate emotional response to being 30,000 feet in the air traveling at 500 mph all while having your life in the hands of people you know absolutely nothing about. The list of reasons why an airplane can crash is so long you could write a book about it. This is why flying would be one of the only instances in which I would consider breaking the law. If I was solicited in the parking lot by a shady homeless guy offering to sell me an experimental bear tranquilizer that I have to shoot directly into my heart, I'd buy it immediately. The second those engine started to roar would be heart stabbing time. So next time you fly, suck down as many mini vodkas as you can and try not to think about all those loose bolts.....